Fake Celebrity Email (Texting) Theater Presents…

Posted by EC Stacey

I just love the older birds! That’s why I pick movies like Water For Elephants and Bel Amie.

Somerhalder and Pattinson at The People’s Choice Awards

Ian: Can someone please take the phone away from Robert Pattinson? Paul: He can text me if he wants.

That’s right, the holidays are over and it’s time for award season! What’s on tap first? That giant commercial for hair products and makeup, The People’s Choice Awards. (Which is true! They had actual real time advertisements throughout the thing. If I was an actor attending I would knock some sense into the producer of that cheese fest with the glass award.)

But the most important development was a cleanly shaved Robert Pattinson or Mr.Clean, because it was his head and a supremely smug, yet dapper Ian Somerhalder were in the same venue. #asignoftheMayanapocolypse. That means it’s time for a super special Fake Celebrity Email Theater, Texting Edition!

Disclaimer: This isn’t real. At all. Let’s be clear now…NOT REAL. Promise me you don’t think any of this is true or any of these actors are ACTUALLY like this. What is true? Pattinson did wear that outfit and must have gotten a bit “tipsy” with an electric shaver.

PFACH: Cheers, Ian! Where’s the bloody bar in this place?

ISomer: Peter Fachinelli? Where did you get my phone number?

PFACH: It’s me, Rob! I stole Peter’s phone. He won’t mind he’s like my da. I got this free phone from AT&T, but it doesn’t text. It DOES have a neat flip lid, so I won’t accidentally call Nikki Reed anymore. Kristen doesn’t like that. So where’s the bar?

ISomer: Leave me alone. He last thing you need is a drink.

PFACH: I always need a drink, bloke! But it’s for my date.

ISomer: Kristen Stewart isn’t here. Did you come with the other vampire girl?

PFACH: That sexy little bird? Nina Di…Russian something? I tried to chat her up on the carpet. I think we are hitting up Mickey D’s after the show.

ISomer: That’s my girlfriend!!!!!

PFACH: I truly apologize, Ian! But isn’t she a bit young for you? She’s like 16 and your 40.

ISomer: I…I…what is wrong with you! By the way, I’m 33!

PFACH: You look so much older. Anyway, back to the bar. Betty wants to get her drink on.

ISomer: Betty White? What?!?

PFACH: Those older bird love to get their drink on! I learned this on the Water For Elephants set with Reese. She loved those G&T’s…hold on a sec! I just won!

I’m back! What did you think of my speech?

ISomer: It sucked, Sparkles.

PFACH: That wasn’t nice. Oh it’s Paul!

PWes: Dude, nice speech! I should plan you a celebration party! It would be better with Nina’s help, but IAN doesn’t let her help anymore.

ISomer: She can’t spend everyday at you house picking out decorative party napkins, Paul. It’s getting obsessive and, to tell the truth, weird.

PWes: You’re just jealous I never ask you on your opinion on my napkins.

Anyway, ROB what happened to your hair?!? OMG!

PFACH: A little razor incident. You see, Tom and I got a 12 pack of Heineken. We thought Sienna and Kristen would like us free of cumbersome hair. Tom chickened last minute and here I am left hairless. Kristen is quite put out and keeps mentioning Chris Helmsworth’s flowing locks. Stupid Snow White.

ISomer: You know what’s stupid? Your story and your shirt.

PWes: I like his shirt. It shows he’s relaxed and fun.

ISomer: You would.

PFACH: Paul would, because he is a true friend. I like your shirt, too. The rolled sleeves are a nice touch! Not stuffy, like Mr. Fancy Pants.

Look! Your lady won, Ian! Why is she smiling at Paul?

ISomer: Please stop.

PFACH: Don’t be put out. She probably misses picking out streamers with him, you know.

PWes: She really does. It’s true! She texts me fun entertaining ideas all day long! Like for instance, do you think 100 Monkeys would play her cousin’s 13th birthday party? He loves Twilight!

PFach: Sure. It’s not like Jackson is doing anything else.

ISomer: Will you two stop! My category is up next!

*Three sad minutes later*

PFACH: Sorry, Man. I do like that bloke from Serenity. I’ve never seen Castle. But i love Serenity, I should do SciFi. You know that the creator of Serenity created Buffy? Now THAT’S a good vampire tv show!

ISomer: I am so going to make fun of you on Twitter now. Well after a send a series of tweets about the plight of rare butterflies.

Yeah, those two should hug it out or at least do Dancing With The Stars together. #scaryimagesoftheday Can’t wait to see them at the MTV Awards!

I Didn’t Watch the Teen Choice Awards But…

 posted be EC Stacey

Let’s Pretend I Did

Why am I here? I am starring in The Help for goodness sakes!

Let get to the truth first…I completely forgot the Teen Choice Awards was on. Oh..and I wouldn’t have watched them anyway because I am an adult with a toddler and a preschooler, so the fact that I co-write this blog and write “stories” is really embarassment enough for one girl. (BTW…writing this while drinking Pinot Grigio. Drinking and writing…oh enjoy the insanity.) But, I did look at the pictures on PopSugar before I fell asleep on the couch watching True Blood. (That couch is way too comfy!) Which reminds me…the True Blood recap is going to be a double addition due to sleeping through last week episode TWICE. Not that it wasn’t good, but it’s summer and the gin & tonics make me sleepy. Also, I am trying to try to talk myself out of being team witch,which is seriously happening. Anyway, here is my review of the show I didn’t watch, because seriously all the screaming teenagers make my ears bleed.

Okay little Biebers, I understand. I loved New Kids On The Block back in the day. Had a Donnie Walberg Beach Towel, but...seeing the Biebs makes my eyes bleed. You'll understand when you become a parent.

 

Seriously, you HAVEN'T done anything with that hair? Are you going through some issues with being a heartthrob? This is getting ridiculous. Those little girls need to be mobbing you with scissors and hair gel not admiration.

 

Fine jailbait, I'll admit it...it's time for a Rob hair .

 

Alright Ashley, it's time to channel your inner Alice Cullen and get out that MARK makeup starter kit and fix that Rob up!

 

 

Nice job. Ashley! Kellan looks pretty! Now get to work on Rob.

 

It's the Harry Potter guys! Umm...I might have only watched the one with Rob in it and turned it off before his character died. Awkward. Oh and embarassing.

 

Hi Glee cast! Where's the lovely Mr. Shue? Right he's my age so he's at a bar.

 

Somerhalder, did you forget how old you are? You can meet Matthew Morrison and I at a bar. *rolling eyes*

 

On a more positive note...I liked Nikki's dress.

 

Back to old people at teen award shows...hey there cougar! Trying to get close to the Biebs? *that image is disgusting and I just gagged*

 

You two were there. Why? Oh and Walberg, your kid is too young to be there, so don't use that as an excuse. Just slightly questionable parenting.

 

 

Has a plague descended upon us? The Kardashian Clan are here too?!? I am really worrying for society at this moment.

 

Rudy from The Cosby Show?!? I am so old! *crying into a glass of Pinot Grigio*

 

 

Who the heck is this? The girl who sang that horrible Friday song? Really?!? I am trembling about the future.

 

Let's end on a postive note! Normally this would be Rob or Ian, but...Rob has horrible hair and Ian has regressed to 15 year-old.

 

 

 

I need more wine…

 

 

 

Twilight in Pawnee- Parks and Recreation Recap

 

 

 

 

 

You can tell I’m a Unicorn…

Posted by EC Stacey

 

REAL MEN LOVE TWILGHT

I have an important admission…I DVR Vampire Diaries. It’s true I watch Damon and Stefan either late at night or early in the morning while the family is asleep. What I do like to watch to unwind on Thursday nights is the NBC comedy block. Well, not the two new ones. I’m not impressed with them, but the originals. Community, The Office, 30 Rock and most importantly, Parks and Recreation. How much do I love Parks and Recreation? See the guy above, his name is Aziz Ansari and I just saw his stand up show this past weekend. Hilarious, I tell you, absolutely hilarious!

What does this have to do with supernatural shows and Twilight?  Well, Aziz tweeted about the Twilight movies before hosting the MTV Movie awards last year…AND I am sure he met Pattinson and the other two at the awards. It’s the 6 degrees of separation, Twilight style. The question is: How does Kevin Bacon fit into this? Never mind, you may ponder this on your own time.  Also, last night’s Parks and Recreation was all about a Twi Dad(!) wanting to put copies of the Twilight into the Pawnee time capsule.   

 

  

Observe…the mysterious Twi Dad. Can be spotted by the Forks approved plaid shirt

 Why was this episode so funny? Well, the good writers knew their material. The battle in the city council meeting between the religious right (Quivering!) and the anti religion people (The book is full of religious metaphors!) is exactly what has been the debate for this book series for the longest time. We also had how the books related to poor Tom’ s love life. (Just in case you wondered…he’s Team Edward.)

The book club with Twi Dad chained up in Leslie’s office, describing the books? I snickered.  Plus…this revelation…

 

Donna wants to teach...

...this guy, to be a man. hee hee

And calls this one "Skinny Legs McGee" hee hee

Overall, the episode also had plenty of my favorite character…

ANDY!!!!

So thank you Parks and Recreation for cheering up my day!

Kudos to you!

Oh wait…

Stop giving me dirty looks, boys! I adore you guys, too. (They are so sensitive!)

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Pattinson Award Wardrobe Golden Globe Addition

REDEEMED

posted by EC Stacey

Thank you, Robert!  I was worried. Luckily, you redeemed yourself. Even Ricky Gervais didn’t rib you except to say you were pretty. (Which made me slightly disappointed in Gervais. So many joke options! Then Rob everyone noticed  when you… umm…checked out Olivia Wild’s backside. Classy, my friend. I do think she married, so I would watch my back if I were you! 

SWD (west coast Stacey/ snowwhitedriftd):: I watched some of the Golden Globes… but I was with a group of girlfriends, on a wine tasting weekend in Santa Rosa, so my attention span was a little askew. I think I saw Rob, but it turns out it was Annette Benning, she had the Robward ‘do.

While, I was watching the Globes and Gervais angering the Jolie-Pitts, I was reading this:

 

 

 

Dinna know I could multitask, lads and lassies?

Which lead to this dream:

A legitimate Golden Globes fashion choice in the Scottish Highlands

 

 

Robert Pattinson was wearing his Golden Globe finery in a large Scottish meadow. Next to him stood Johnathan Rhys Myers, Jensen Ackles and Kevin McKidd (Grey’s Anatomy) all wearing kilts. 

They were all having a serious discussion in Gaelic. So I had no clue they were talking about. They were such an attractive lot of actors, that I really didn’t care. Then Rob exclaimed in his best Scotich accent, “Ach laddies, dinna you think my tan jacket would clash with my tartan?”  

SWD: That’s one helluva dream, lassie!!! Now you can understand how the friggin Outlander obsession series gets stuck in ones subconscious. Squeee!!! It happened to EC too! And of course your aforementioned dream reminded me of:

KiltEd

SWD: I was so excited to receive the text saying Jonathan Rhys Meyers would be a good Black Jack Randall. Yay you’re casting this series in your head too! I’ve seen JRM as a hypothetical leading candidate for BJR elsewhere too. Speaking of Golden Globes and casting Outlander…did you see Chris Hemsworth (Thor) presenting? Hello Young Jamie!!!

So, basically I vast improvement over the People’s Choice Dream. Hey, one of my favorite parts…

 

 

 

We know he can rock the period costuming Outlander style!

 

I have need to watch The  Tudors! Thank goodness BBC America is replaying it! Ohh…

 

 

 

Because he gets jealous...not really but let's pretend

 

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