Archive for February, 2012

Fake Celebrity (non) Email Theater Presents…

Posted in Breaking Dawn, EC's Random Musings, Fake Celebrity Stuff, Twilight, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on February 10, 2012 by talksupe
posted by EC Stacey

Can Only Imagine ALL The Possibilities!

Three Men and A Baby, Twilight Edition

To make up for being a complete and total slacker, I decided it was about time to give you all another edition of Fake Celebrity Email Theater without the pesky emails. Obviously, Jackson Rathbone breeding has been a bizarre inspiration. Think of it as a really bad version of the classic movie, Three Men and a Baby. The difference is that in this version, Kellan Lutz is taking the role of Tom Selleck. Robert Pattinson is that rascally Ted Danson. Finally, the daddy to be, Jackson is the quirky Steve Guttenberg. (Nobody does wacky like Jackson.)

DISCLAIMER: I bet Jackson is going to be a terrific dad. (Hopefully) We are only teasing. Also, if you honestly think any of this is happening, then you have the ability to read a magic crystal ball. Which I don’t so this is…PRETEND! Just giving you a heads up.

Scene 1: Diaper Duty

Don't worry Baby Jackson, we can pray for those chain smoking sinners at Sunday School.

Kellan: You can’t smoke around a baby!
Rob: Bloody hell, Kellan it calms her/him. The smoke makes her/him giggle.
Jackson: I think it’s just gas. My kid can make a stink. Damn.
Kellan: Could you two please watch the language. A dollar each in the swear jar!
Jackson/Rob: Shit!
Kellan: That will be two dollars each, you heathens!

Scene 2: Rock A Bye or Yo Gabba Banana

A Future Children's Musical Classic

Kellan: Let’s sing her to sleep.
Rob: Mate, you sound like a dying cow. I’ll sing her/him my song from the Twilight soundtrack.
Jackson: Are you delusional? My baby doesn’t want to hear that!
Rob: How To Be soundtrack?
Jackson: Shoot me now.
Rob: It was a bestseller in the U.K.!
Jackson: Sure it was. *snicker* How about I sing the 100 Monkeys’ song, I did on Yo Gabba Gabba?
Kellan: Dude, the didn’t air it because the guitar solo was an hour long.
Jackson: They have no taste! The 100 Monkey’s children’s album is going to be huge!
Rob: A huge disappointment to small children’s eardrums. Only Twimoms are going to buy it. For themselves.
Jackson: You mean your target audience.
Kellan: Let’s not fight, boys! Nikki sent us the children’s album she did with her husband.
Jackson and Rob: NOOOOO!!!!!

Just What My Kids Will Want For Christmas

Scene 3: Babysitter’s Club

Ashley Greene: Babysitting Professional

Ashley: I would love to watch your little one, Jack!
Jackson: Can you change a diaper?
Ashley: Yes.
Jackson: Can you fix a bottle?
Ashley: Of course!
Jackson: Are you going to try to sneak in Gerard Butler or a Jonas Brother?
Ashley: Well…
Jackson: I’m hiring Kristen Stewart.
Ashley: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Scene 4: Playdate Union Jack Edition

It's quite simple, Rob. Babies are like dogs! You open the door and let them poop in the yard.

Rob: Hey Jackson, Tom is bringing over his bundle of joy for a playdate.
Jackson: Really? Get out the poker chips and beer!
Rob: Henekin for everybody!
Kellan: What’s going on here?
Rob: Playdate with Sturridge’s kid.
Kellan: Did he shave the beard? It scares the babies.
Jackson: Let me just add a little more gel to Junior’s head. His/her bouffant isn’t high enough.
Kellan: You don’t out hair gel on babies! Rob! Put away those shot glasses right now!
Rob: Come on, Kellan! Let’s have a little fun!
Kellan: That’s it! Tom Sturridge and his offspring can’t play anymore. They are bad examples!

Scene 5: What The Real Movie Will Look Like

Another Blockbuster!

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T-Rific!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 7, 2012 by talksupe
posted by snowwhitedrifted (SWD/ WEst Coast Stacey)

SWD: OK, I’m not going to even begin to pretend that I have a clue about what’s going on on Vampire Diaries. I’ve watched like 20 minutes, in the last 4 months. #ImAwesome

EC: I’ve watched! Everything, but the last one. But it is dvr’ed and ready to view! I’m just waiting for that one above (SWD)to catch up, because I don’t want to spoil her on all the goodness! Don’t worry… I’ll keep on her! Hopefully, we can have a massive VampDi refresher post sometime this week. Or next. I have a new puppy, so it depends if she let’s me sleep in past 5 A.M. #likeanewbabywithneedleteeth  #likeifJacobBlackwasyourpetandatehisownpoop

SWD: So…. I’ll share my shopping experience with ya’ll

Whilst strolling through Target last week, looking to pick up some thank-you notes and a shower squeegee, I happened upon this lil gem:

Team tees at Tar-jay!

SWD: I saw these, then quickly checked the men’s section for Team Bella boxers. Alas, there were none. I did, however find a “scratch and sniff” t-shirt for SWD jr. in the kids section. I wonder why this technology can’t be used on the Robward, TayCob tees? Rob’s would smell like beer beard and Tay’s would be shaving cream. Don’t you totes think he smells like shaving cream? Maybe they could have Bella sports bras that would smell like deoderant win/win! Speaking of sports, I’d totally rock that Rob shirt to the gym. Nothing like putin some nice pit stains on ol’ Eddie.

EC: AHHH!!! I might want the Pattinson one. Not to actually wear in public, but when I take the puppy out for her a millionth walk outside to not piddle on my floor. Actually, the Jacob shirt would be more appropriate, but creepy. #alwaysbejailbaitevenat50

Nevermind, the neighbors might be weirded out. I could sleep in one. Except my family would be weirded out. Hmm…I COULD wear Edward while cleaning the house. That would be completely an Edward approved activity!