Archive for Jackson Rathbone

Fake Celebrity (non) Email Theater Presents…

Posted in Breaking Dawn, EC's Random Musings, Fake Celebrity Stuff, Twilight, Uncategorized with tags , , , , on February 10, 2012 by talksupe
posted by EC Stacey

Can Only Imagine ALL The Possibilities!

Three Men and A Baby, Twilight Edition

To make up for being a complete and total slacker, I decided it was about time to give you all another edition of Fake Celebrity Email Theater without the pesky emails. Obviously, Jackson Rathbone breeding has been a bizarre inspiration. Think of it as a really bad version of the classic movie, Three Men and a Baby. The difference is that in this version, Kellan Lutz is taking the role of Tom Selleck. Robert Pattinson is that rascally Ted Danson. Finally, the daddy to be, Jackson is the quirky Steve Guttenberg. (Nobody does wacky like Jackson.)

DISCLAIMER: I bet Jackson is going to be a terrific dad. (Hopefully) We are only teasing. Also, if you honestly think any of this is happening, then you have the ability to read a magic crystal ball. Which I don’t so this is…PRETEND! Just giving you a heads up.

Scene 1: Diaper Duty

Don't worry Baby Jackson, we can pray for those chain smoking sinners at Sunday School.

Kellan: You can’t smoke around a baby!
Rob: Bloody hell, Kellan it calms her/him. The smoke makes her/him giggle.
Jackson: I think it’s just gas. My kid can make a stink. Damn.
Kellan: Could you two please watch the language. A dollar each in the swear jar!
Jackson/Rob: Shit!
Kellan: That will be two dollars each, you heathens!

Scene 2: Rock A Bye or Yo Gabba Banana

A Future Children's Musical Classic

Kellan: Let’s sing her to sleep.
Rob: Mate, you sound like a dying cow. I’ll sing her/him my song from the Twilight soundtrack.
Jackson: Are you delusional? My baby doesn’t want to hear that!
Rob: How To Be soundtrack?
Jackson: Shoot me now.
Rob: It was a bestseller in the U.K.!
Jackson: Sure it was. *snicker* How about I sing the 100 Monkeys’ song, I did on Yo Gabba Gabba?
Kellan: Dude, the didn’t air it because the guitar solo was an hour long.
Jackson: They have no taste! The 100 Monkey’s children’s album is going to be huge!
Rob: A huge disappointment to small children’s eardrums. Only Twimoms are going to buy it. For themselves.
Jackson: You mean your target audience.
Kellan: Let’s not fight, boys! Nikki sent us the children’s album she did with her husband.
Jackson and Rob: NOOOOO!!!!!

Just What My Kids Will Want For Christmas

Scene 3: Babysitter’s Club

Ashley Greene: Babysitting Professional

Ashley: I would love to watch your little one, Jack!
Jackson: Can you change a diaper?
Ashley: Yes.
Jackson: Can you fix a bottle?
Ashley: Of course!
Jackson: Are you going to try to sneak in Gerard Butler or a Jonas Brother?
Ashley: Well…
Jackson: I’m hiring Kristen Stewart.
Ashley: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Scene 4: Playdate Union Jack Edition

It's quite simple, Rob. Babies are like dogs! You open the door and let them poop in the yard.

Rob: Hey Jackson, Tom is bringing over his bundle of joy for a playdate.
Jackson: Really? Get out the poker chips and beer!
Rob: Henekin for everybody!
Kellan: What’s going on here?
Rob: Playdate with Sturridge’s kid.
Kellan: Did he shave the beard? It scares the babies.
Jackson: Let me just add a little more gel to Junior’s head. His/her bouffant isn’t high enough.
Kellan: You don’t out hair gel on babies! Rob! Put away those shot glasses right now!
Rob: Come on, Kellan! Let’s have a little fun!
Kellan: That’s it! Tom Sturridge and his offspring can’t play anymore. They are bad examples!

Scene 5: What The Real Movie Will Look Like

Another Blockbuster!

The Super Bowl is Football, Right?

Posted in Fake Emails with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2011 by talksupe
posted by East Coast Stacey

Celebrity Fake Email Theater.

Well gang, it’s wicked cold in the North East. Snow, sleet and freezing rain is keeping us New Englanders inside by roaring fires, reading Outlander and watching LOTS of television. While WC Stacey (SWD) and her West Coast peeps are sipping ice tea at outdoor bistros, wearing flip flops and frolicking around Disneyland. Lucky girl! I hate you snow. Good thing for me it’s award season for our celebrity friends, which means pretty dresses, handsome men in tuxes and hurt delicate feelings by Ricky Gervais.  However, we know what they do at the awards. Drink expensive booze and talk about their ‘craft’. Instead let’s see what they’ll do for the Super Bowl. I’m sure it’s not Buffalo wings, nachos and Bud Light!DISCLAIMER: FAKE, FAKE, AND SUPER FAKE. FOR REAL, IT’S SUPER FAKE. If you didn’t figure it out with the last few of these posts…FAKE!Away we go!   

Subject: Super Bowl!
To: (The Guys)

From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Super Bowl Party! Nina and I are hosting a party to celebrate that Super Bowl. We’ll be having make your own pizzas on the grill, cocktails and Spinach Dip. I found the recipe in Everyday Food and it’s delicious! Feel free to bring a dish. Glee sing along afterwards! Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Super Bowl
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net; (The Guys)

From: blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

Told Nina, I’ll try to stop by. I’ll bring some dandelion wine and some organic tortilla chips. I need to stop by Ed Begley Jr.’s, but his T.V. is small and everyone has to take turns riding a bike to generate energy  to run it. Hey…what chicks did you invite?

Ian

Reuse, Renew, Recycle! Doin’ it Vamp Style in GA

Subject: So fun!

To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net; blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

From: hotpockets4evah@att.net

Sounds jolly good, Paul! Who’s playing? Manchester United? Can I bring my boys? Tom has been mooning over Rachel Bilson, since they filmed that movie last year and she won’t return his call, so…he’s a bit put out. A cheer up is in order. Andrew wants to brag about the Golden Globes, so I need a buffer. Just wait until next year’s Oscars.  Water For Elephants is my in, Paul! Oscar gold! That wasn’t very nice. He’s my second best friend! :0(Hey can my friend, Bobby Long play some music along with the Glee television show? I think he can play Journey and some Britney Spears.We’ll bring you some Heineken and Hot Pockets. I bet they would be delicious with your spinach dip!

Your mate,
Rob

Subject: Super Bowl
To: hotpockets4eva@att.net; (The Guys)

From: blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

Umm…it’s AMERICAN FOOTBALL, not soccer. You are bringing all of your friends? The little one? Spiderman? Music dude? What about the biker? Don’t you all do anything by yourselves?How about that Razzie?

Ian

Reuse, Renew, Recycle! Doin’ it Vamp Style in GA

Subject: So fun!

To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net; blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

From: hotpockets4evah@att.net

Not nice, Ian. It’s all political. People just don’t understand Edward’s pathos! It’s all Bella’s fault!!! She cheats on him with Jacob. Edward doesn’t want to be angry. He’s disappointed in her. Listen, give me call and I will explain all the intricate points to my character.

Your mate,
Rob

Subject: Super Bowl
To:  hotpockets4evah@att.net

From: blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

No.

Ian

Reuse, Renew, Recycle! Doin’ it Vamp Style in GA

Subject: Super Bowl!
To:  hotpockets4evah@att.net

From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Call me! I need to figure Stefan’s motivation. I keep putting him in plaid shirts and cardigans to show his sensitive side. Should I maybe add Tevas and hemp necklaces?Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Come over?

To: bluesweaterswede@gmail.com

From: annashubby@gmail.com

Would you like to come over and watch the DVDs I got from NetFlix on Sunday?  It is series four of Midsommer Murders . I also DVR’d Downton Abbey! Let me know I’ll bring out the Sherry! Anna’s meeting some friends at TGI Friday’s to watch that football game at the bar.
Stephen

Subject: Come over?

To: annashubby@gmail.com

From: bluesweaterswede@gmail.com

Fantastic! I’ll bring some tapas!
Alex

Subject: Cease and Desist
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

From: bluesweaterswede@gmail.com

For the last, LAST time, take me off your email list.

Alexander Skarsgard

Subject: Flag Football

To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net; blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com; hotpockets4eva@att.net; 100MonkeyMan@gmail.com

From: praisehim@aol.com

Hey guys! You want to come over and play some flag football before Paul’s’ shindig? It will be fun. I’ll be more careful this time. Sorry, I broke your thumb last time, Jackson. I kind of get into it. Then we can pray fro the safety of the teams playing!

Kellan
God loves football!

Subject: Superbowl Party
To: (The Boys)
From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Don’t forget guys, leave your shoes outside when you come into the house. It ruins the floors and I just buffed them!
Subject: Super bowl Concert

To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net; blueeyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com; hotpockets4eva@att.net;  bluesweaterswede@gmail.com; annashubby@gmail.com
From: 100MonkeyMan@gmail.com
What’s up, my brothers! 100 Monkeys and I are going to give an alternate to the fine ladies on Super Bowl Sunday! We will be playing a gig at the Olive Garden on South Street. Taylor and his dad will be there, so it will be a chick fest.We will be having a contest of our own. Trying to be in the Guinness Book of Records for longest Bongos solo!  

I’ll put you on the list for free Banana Daiquiris!

Jack, the monkey man

Kiddie Meals… Supes for our Teacups

Posted in Children's Programming?, Favorites, Supernatural, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2010 by talksupe
posted by west coast stacey/ swd

Two worlds I thought wouldn’t collide. Sexy vampires and children’s programming. But that is just what has been going on. Recently, Jackson Rathbone crooned a Birthday Wish to Dora the Explorer. Vampy drawl’ing Jasper on Dora… whaa?

EC: Which my kid went crazy for…well at least about Dora. Her birthday is a HUGE deal. Then I went crazy seeing my pretend little brother singing to a cartoon character. I mean I’ve done that before when watching Yo Gabba Gabba, when little Elijah Wood did his ‘dancy dance’, my inner fangirl came out and I jumped up screaming for that silly hobbit.

The makers of cartoons totally threw us mom’s a bone when Seasame Street gave us “True Mud”

EC: Darn it! I missed it! My kid “too big” for the Street! Ugh. That was pure greatness…did you SEE the little Sam with his teeny tiny Sam Shirt? I DIED! A muppet Layfette, too! I would love to see a sparkly Edward muppet, too.

Now HERE's where a Sparkly vampire belongs

Ohh…Sesame street Twilight spoof! Brillliant! That is the brillance of Sesame Street. Sure they won’t let Katy Perry flash her boobs at the preschool set. (Umm…Katy what exactly WERE you thinking with that outfit choice?) But, they will spoof True Blood and Mad Men. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgvKCfZqxrQ Is it bad that I wanted a muppet Don Draper to seduce the letter ‘A’?

WC: Maybe the letter Q… ’cause it has a nice tail.

EC: That’s a good one! I also want to see a Joan Muppet. Joan is cool.

WC: The Joan juggs ‘un grouch’ Oscar and turn Bert and Ernie straight.

EC: No doubt. I’ve heard they have magical powers

EC: I think we can help other actors in Supe shows and movies get connected with the kiddos early. Need to start the youth early with this genre. In an appropriate way. If not…it’s going to be a whole lot of iCarly and Ashley’s Jonas Brother. For instance… Rob Pattinson. Let’s just take out Elijah Wood of the Yo Gabba Gabba ‘dancey dance’, and insert Rob. The awkward brillance of this would both be a turn on and just plain hilarious!

There's a party in my...tummy?

WC/SWD: Oh Stace, Rob singing, “They’re’s a Party in My Tummy…” with Taylor Lautner and Boo Boo Stewart singing the carrots part of, “yummy so yummy”

Bill Nye and Ian teach kids, and moms, about chemistry... and Biology

Only Prada shoes in this neighborhood, Fred

EC: I can see Ian Somerhalder doing a environmental science show for the kids. Have you read his tweets? He brings up so many interesting environment issues to light that I am one part inspired and another slightly cranky part wants to throw my plastic water bottle at his head for making me feel guilty. (yes. I know he’s right)

Anyway, how about Ian and Bill Nye, the science guy do a show on the Planet Green channel that combines saving the environment and doing science experiments. They’ll be like the funny odd couple! I would definitely watch that show and I’m not good with scientific things as shown by my high school Chemistry grades. (not good, my friends, not good)

WC/SWD: Or Pam Ravensroft, aka Kristin Von Beaverhausen (I just always think of her name as Karen’s alias on “Will and Grace”, “Anastasia Beaverhausen”) going on Mr. Rogers. You know, becuase Pam has great shoes. She could offer some shoe tips for good ol’ sweater totin’ Rogers.

EC: I see Kellen and his abs on Veggie Tales. I wouldn’t watch it though. Those freaky little vegtables look at me with those gigantic eyes and judge me. True, they are a cartoon, but they judge. They really do.

Watch your hands pea pod, he’s a man of the Word
WC/ Swd: Yes! Those judging Veggie Tale eyes are like freakazoid minions of satan, kind of like those annoying “Love is…” kids, but in uber preach-y Veggie form.

Run from these lobotomized kids before they become...