A Message From Team Seth…

posted by EC Stacey

Doctor Who S6.E2: The One That’s Weirder and Scarier Than “Blink

This episode is so scary that I think I’m going to just tell it pictorially with captions with the help of many unnamed and unlinked tumblr accounts (shh). Literally I haven’t been able to rewatch it because it was so scary I’m worried to stay up all night for a week again. Again, Steven! (shakes fist towards Wales).

Three months later…

Amy, Rory, and River are chased down and murdered by Canton. (Oh, Canton, I still love you!)

Oh no!

What is that weird Toby markings all over their bodies? Ok, not precisely the same…they have tally marks and he has marks of the devil. OMG Is the Silence The Devil?!

Who the hale Toby is?

Where’s the Doctor then? Oh yeah, in a big hangar that used to house the plane from Oceanic Flight 815.

They’re buildin’ me into an inescapable prison, because the Pandorica worked out so well.

SURPRISE! Everyone’s alive! And now they’re back in the TARDIS, Amy isn’t pregnant, and Canton is all, “Why is my hand blinking?” and everyone’s all “Because you left yourself a message and then forgot.” Press play. How can you kill an enemy you can’t remember? By tallying it onto your body…or you could just record the interaction into your hand. Because that’s normal.

“Hey, I’ve got a great idea, let’s split up! Canton and Amy will go a creepy orphanage to try and sell life insurance, er, I mean to go find the little girl she shot.”

“The wall says ‘Leave now’, Amy.” “Yeah, I know.” “So…” “Let’s go further into this super creepy orphanage that reminds everyone of a really creepy horror film. Yeah?” “I hate British people. And women. I miss my black husband.” “Ok, let’s split up then!” (Ep1 revealed Canton is not just in an interracial relationship, but with a guy. DRAT. I still love him. Regardless of the fact we can never be together. Yes, I realize he’s a fictional character. YOU LOVE ERIC NORTHMAN–DO NOT JUDGE ME!)

I wonder what’s in this super creepy room. And why my message hand is blinking red. And why I can’t remember anything.

OH! That’s why! (insert super creeptastic music by Murray Gold here)

I just saw a batload of Silence. Maybe I should go into the room with the chick wearing a metal eyepatch. That seems like a safe choice.

Why the hell am I holding a baby…that looks a lot like me…and possibly the Doctor…but possibly Rory…or some third option.

Whoa. What is going on? You killed the Doctor! Right? I mean… wait, what? You’re a little girl? I shot you! Someone is going to come save me. I promise you that.

BOO!

KIDNAPPED! “Imma tie you to the chair and pace a lot.” “The Doctor’s coming.” “No one is coming. You don’t remember do you?” (paces) “Remember what? Remember WHAT?”

Oooh! Let me capture this for my Halloween costume this year!

We’re just hanging out, trying on 1960s spectacles and figuring out how to out-man the other guy while we save the universe from the Silence… oh, and save Amy, too.

Yup, I’m still awesome.

“The good news, Pond, is that we found you.” “And the bad?” “I have to flirt with River before we save you and the universe. Which is even weirder than you know…”

“SPOILERS, Doctor!” “Hush, River. I wasn’t going to tell them you were a screamer.”

“Okay, everyone pay very close attention because I’m about to do something really, really clever. Like cleverer than usual.”

“You should kill us all on sight. Otherwise the creepy little girl from The Ring will come for you!!!”

The jig is up, buddy!

Peace out, River! “Oh my god, we’re kissing. First time for everything, eh, River?” “And a last.” (sad face!)

Did somebody say Creepy Little Girl? Regenerating? Yeah… Who IS she?

That wasn’t enough of a cliffhanger? Okay, fine: Is she, or isn’t she?

ROLL CREDITS.

Basically. See you next time for Ep.4, The Doctor’s Wife. We’re skipping Ep3 because it’s really lame.

-TS

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