You’ve Got Mail (Fake Celebrity Email Theater): Paul Plans a True Blood Viewing Party

posted by East Coast Stacey

The season premiere of True Blood is upon us and it’s time for our buddy Paul to throw on his apron, polish the silver and make decorative floral arrangements for a party. A True Blood viewing party. It really doesn’t get any better than this…

DISCLAIMER: You know the drill, kids…this isn’t real. These email addresses DO NOT belong to any of these individuals. Though it would be hilarious if they did. Also, I do not think any of the actors mentioned act in any way like we write them. In fact, I have a sneaky suspicion they are all outstanding and intelligent individuals, that hopefully have a huge sense of humor. It’s just funnier to write this way. Also, can you imagine all of these people watching True Blood together…the possibilities are endless.

Subject: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From plaidshirtvamp@att.net
To: (Vampire Diaries Cast), (Twilight Cast), (True Blood Cast), (One Tree Hill Cast) and (How I Met Your Mother Cast)

Hey Everybody!

Nina and I are having our 1st Annual True Blood Viewing Party this weekend! Come join us for Tapas, red wine and board games as we watch the spooky True Blood premiere.

Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!  
From: hotpockets4evah@att.net
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Good morning Paul, old man!

Thank you for the lovely invitation! Tom and I would love to come join you, but do I actually have to watch the show? It looks quite frightening and I have a sneaky suspicion that Ian would try to hide in corners and jump out at me which would scare me further. Did you know that they sell True Blood at the liquor store? I was picking up a six-pack of Heineken and there it was, mocking me with its scary red font. I shudder to think of my embarrassment if I have to hide in my pillow at your pad.   

Your mate,
Rob

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From plaidshirtvamp@att.net
To: hotpockets4evah@att.net
CC:  blueyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

It will be fine, Rob! We have the living room open for board games! I even have your favorite…Candy Land! Just hang in there and play games and eat. I am making a delicious crab puff recipe that I discovered in this month’s issue of EVERYDAY FOODS. That Martha Stewart is a genius!

BTW…Ian will absolutely be leaving you alone. Promise.

Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From:  blueyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com
To:  hotpockets4eva@att.net; plaidshirtvamp@att.net;

Damn, Rob…you are just too easy to make fun of! Candy Land? Scared of a bottled beverage? Grow a pair, boy! Didn’t Edward rip out that baby from Bella’s belly with his teeth? That’s scarier then anything on Vampire Diaries or True Blood.

Paul, dude! Heading to Whole Foods to get the ingredients for my infamous garlic humus and a big bag of pita chips. Need me to grab anything else? There’s a fine honey that works in the produce section all covered in mystical tattoos, dreadlocks and smells like patchouli. I am going to try and get her digits.
  
-Ian

Doin it Vamp style in GA

BTW: Reuse, Renew and Recycle Bitches and Real Vamps Don’t Sparkle

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!  
From: hotpockets4evah@att.net
To:  blueyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com 

Ian, my friend!

You’ve read Breaking Dawn?!? Golly good! What did you think Edward’s motivation was when listening to the child through his beloved’s stomach? Did you think he and Jacob could have bonded more quickly? I would love hearing your thoughts!
Oh…good luck trying to catch that bird!

Your mate,

Rob

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From:  blueyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com
To:  hotpockets4eva@att.net

Damn. Forget I mentioned anything related to Twilight. Stupid sparkly vamps.
  
Bird? What?

-Ian

Doin it Vamp style in GA

BTW: Reuse, Renew and Recycle Bitches and Real Vamps Don’t Sparkle

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From plaidshirtvamp@att.net

To:  blueyedenvironmentalist@hotmail.com

Be nice to Rob, Ian! He’s a sensitive soul.

Could you pick up some red gerber daisies and white tulips from the Whole floral section? It will fit the theme. Nina picked up these great black table clothes back in November from Home Goods. 75% off of Halloween decorations! How great is that! They even accepted her expired Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupon!

Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: praisehim@aol.com
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Thanks for the invite man. Unfortunately, True Blood is the work of the devil. Instead, I will be attending this at my church. (Invite below) Come join us and be saved, my brother!

WWJD,
Kellan

The Veggie Tales: The Movie Viewing Party

Come join us to enjoy the exploits of our favorite morally pure vegatables! Yummy snacks and pizza on the menu! Bring your lawn chairs and get comfy!

Where:
The New Gospel

134 Green Street

(In the shopping plaza next to the Fashion Barn)

When:
December 14, 2010

Time:

5 P.M. to 8 P.M.

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net
To: praisehim@aol.com

Kellan, you do know you PLAY a vampire, right?

Your friend,
Paul

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: praisehim@aol.com
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

My brother, a MORMON vampire.

WWJD,
Kellan

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: bluesweaterswede@gmail.com
To:  plaidshirtvamp@att.net
CC: annashubby@gmail.com

No. Stephen and I will be attending a True Blood Charity gala that evening benefiting the American Red Cross.

I do believe Anna might stop by.

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From:  100MonkeyMan@gmail.com
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Want 100 Monkeys to play at the party? We work for beer! Plus, we do a great Black Keys cover…only with a funk/jazz/Grateful Dead vibe. What do you think?
Oh, will that pretty girl who plays the witch be there? Seems, my favorite lady would  rather hang out with that toga wearing guy from the movie, “300.”
-Jackson

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net
To:  100MonkeyMan@gmail.com

Umm…so much other stuff going on…no real need for a live band. I can hook up my iPod if needed. How about you bring some…ahh…tortilla chips.

Yep, Katrina’s coming. She’s a good girl. Sorry about Ashley. You knew you were asking for trouble when she started dating that Jonas Brother.  

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: annashubby@gmail.com
To: bluesweaterswede@gmail.com

Alex-

I couldn’t convince Anna out of leaving the benefit early to go to that party. Something about playing Candy Land and beating Pattinson and somebody named Stu.

-Stephen

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From:  degrassigirl456@hotmail.com
To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Guess what, good buddy! I got the red velvet chocolate cake recipe! Let’s bake it tonight and watch The Proposal! Don’t you just LOVE Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock?! Swooning!

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!
From: plaidshirtvamp@att.net
To:  degrassigirl456@hotmail.com

You know I love that movie, girl!

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!

From:    BarneyStinsonistheman@gmail.com

To: plaidshirtvamp@att.net

Seriously, how did you get this email? I mean the fan letters were one thing, but now party invitations? Unfortunately, I will be doing my laundry that evening instead.

However, Alyson Hannigan wanted me to say she’s coming with a bunch of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer cast. I reminded her that her show was so 90’s Vampires, but she told me to shush it. Little warning… James Marsters is a wild man.

Subject: Re: True Blood Viewing Extravaganza!

From: Anziz4Edward@sbcglobal.net

To: (Vampire Diaries Cast), (Twilight Cast), (True Blood Cast), (One Tree Hill Cast) and (How I Met Your Mother Cast) 

 I’m crashing!! And I’m bringing Jäger Jenga!

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4 Responses to “You’ve Got Mail (Fake Celebrity Email Theater): Paul Plans a True Blood Viewing Party”

  1. robsfuturemate Says:

    As always, I love these emails!!! “Kellan, you do know you PLAY a vampire” LOL

    Thanks for the laughs ladies 🙂

  2. Yay! 🙂 I love these. Especially today which was particularly a crappy day.

    I’d love to see Matt Smith integrated in one of these days… 😉

    • EC: Matt Smith? You got it!

      Hope your day gets better!

      • TeamSeth Says:

        It did. I went home and watched NEW (for me) episodes of TB to finish off season 3 (as I’ve mentioned like a million times by now because I’m so excited I can’t help myself) and then Mr. Seth calmed down a little and we had a big kid conversation about life.

        Anyway, perhaps you can include Arthur Darvill too? He’s kind of rad I think… even with his “big nose” 😉

        (and yes, I initially wrote “Alex” instead of “Arthur” Sigh. When will this blood wear off?)

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