Vampire Diaries Recap: “The Sacrifice” or “Elena is Dumb”

posted by snowwhitedrifted (SWD/ West Coast Stacey) and East Coast Stacey

*Spoilers, that’s how we do it

It's a good day for cotton

SWD: First Elena is awakened by someone snooping in her room. Is it Edward Cullen (she wishes) no, it’s dad witch stealing her hair from her brush. Is he from “Locks of Love”? If not, um, eww. But then she meanders around the house only to find… a gratuitous shirtless Alaric with sex hair and ice cream! win win win!

EC:  Dad witch creeped me out…all lurking around little Elena’s room and stealing her trinkets. Then Alaric came on and I forgot everything else that was happening. Until Aunt Jenna had to get a little TMI with Elena. Hey there, Jenna. Listen up, she’s still your underage niece. I know and you know, that the little miss danger magnet is hitting it with the poorly dressed Salvatore Brother. But could we at least pretend that you and Alaric are the adults  for a couple of minutes. But wait…didn’t Dawson’s dad on the dearly missed, DAWSON’S CREEK like to TMI with young, impressionable Dawson? Williamson…you’ve been corrupting the kiddies, since I was in high school.

SWD: Damon and Stefan tell Elena they know how to protect her. Release the moonstone curse, blah blah blah. I was just looking at Damon in the black thermal. I wanted to see him standing next to this:

Yup, thermals definitely equate warmth

instead of Stefan’s henley (did he borrow it from Bill Compton, BTW?), but I digress. Elena doesn’t want them to help. She wants to martyr out and save her loved ones. Oh, wahhhh. Self preservation is totally lost on this chick. Why doesn’t she just get turned and fight back? #frustrating. (Why Elena is dumb part deux)

EC: First, WC I agree Elena is dumb. Second, my birthday is not until a couple of months, but you have gave me a present of Ian and Robert wearing very similar shirts, Thank you.

Let’s talk about Stefan’s clothing. (Oh yes, there will be a post for this.) This episode’s outfit was better in my humble opinion. Damon, good? Umm…never. Which leads to an important question: Does the wardrobe department dislike him? All those cartigans and hoodies are telling me that something rotten is going on in Denmark. (Look at me sticking in some Shakespeare. Probably incorrectly, but I’m trying.) Paul is an attractive man, could they possibly try to avoid putting him in old man clothes. Also called the New Moon factor. (As in Twilight New Moon and Edward’s grandpa suits. )

SWD: Bonnie’s bird shirt is soo cute, I want one! It kind f looks like Lucky or maybe a non-cheesey Ed Hardy?? Anyone know? If so please leave deets in the comments. So Bonnie and her bird shirt are at school chatting it up with boy witch Luca. They join forces and have a windgasm.

EC: Non cheesy Ed Hardy? If you look up Ed Hardy in the dictionary the words cheesy and garish come right up. (If you enjoy wearing Ed Hardy, then cool. You and Jon Gosselin. Not my thing.) I like the shirt, too. Bonnie usually has the best clothes!

See what I mean? That shirt is hot... it even ignites!

SWD: She does, she must bring mini muffins to the costume department. *note to Paul- bring them some morning vodka coffee and they will treat you better. ‘Jus Sayin.

So, Bonnie burns some stuff and makes metal powder to sprinkle on Katherine, to disable her, and let Damon and Stefan swipe the moonstone. Oh no, girlfriend is NOT going to like getting dusted. But Jeremy-no-longer-Whiny reverts back to his druggie days and cuts a line of powder for his personal use. Hmmm.

EC: I still call him Whiny. It’s his pet name. Don’t start calling him Jeremy, because I’ll get confused.

Soo, the robe incinates that THIS happened earlier.

SWD: Point noted. “Whiny” is back on. Elena seeks the help of robe clad Rose to contact Klaus/Elijah… one of the Vamp Di Volturis. They go to Slaters, find him dead and find his girlfriend. Girlfriend?! #surprised.

EC: You forgot about the BEST parts. The girlfriend was named ALICE. Also, his password was Kristen Stewart. I think Vampire Diaries enjoys linking themselves to Twilight and then pretends they don’t. I personally think Breaking Dawn needs someone like Jane mentioning that badass Damon guy. It’s just fair.

SWD: LOL- yes, Volturi Jane should wear a Salvatore ring in Breaking Dawn and Aro should be drinking buddies with Elijah or Klaus (if we ever see him).

A distraught-with-guilt Matt talks to Mr. Pissy, Tyler and apologizes. At least I think he apologized, I wasn’t really paying attention because I was surprised that a new Matt fondess has sprung up replacing former Alaric and Mason warm fuzzies. I think Matt is going to get supe’d somehow. I think he’ll be a werewolf since we only have one, and like 20 vampires.

EC: Matt’s a cutie, but replace Alaric and our dearly departed Mason?!? For shame! Plus, it was a nice little bonus Mason video diary. I’ve missed him so. *sniff, sniff * I might disagree about Matt being turned into something more supernatural. His job, I believe, is to be constantly in danger. Then he will pine over the girls who got away, in his case Elena and Caroline. Matt is basically the supernatural show version of, Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride.

A possible inter-supernatural being couple?

SWD: OK, I will wait for Matt and his 27 Dresses. Caroline and Tyler bond over Mason’s “How I became a Werewolf” journal and instructional video. Poor Mason, he looked like he was in labor for an entire night. Umm, yeah. welcome to our world. Labor HURTS worse than your little wolf curse, my friend… and we are not left with your abs afterward.

EC: Men will never know true pain. Too true.

SWD: Elijah and bad witch dad do some bromancing the moonstone conjuring and locate Elena. Elena wants to turn herself in to be killed (again, why Elena is dumb part 3) and everyone wants to protect her. So Damon shows up to retrieve her and some chemistry ensues. She tries to slap him and he grabs her hand. Elena is pissed. (Why Elena is dumb, part 4… it’s Damon for chrissake…DAMON).

EC: Elena is ALWAYS being dumb. It’s a lovely contrast to Katherine being awesome. The producers also need some nice Damon and Elena sexual tension. He’s like her male version of a cougar.  She’s drawn to the dark, older man. I know, I know Stefan is a vampire, so centuries older then little Elena. The difference is he is pretending to be a high schooler and Damon isn’t.  Also, when is someone going to create a vampire show where the main heroine isn’t a high schooler? Wait, I forgot True Blood. They are adults! I miss Sookie. Is it summer, yet?

SWD: Jeremy messes up and gets the moonstone out but gets trapped in the tomb with Katherine who is treating him like a Scooby snack.

EC: Ahem…Whiny. That was fantastic, due to the mere fact that being dumb and a danger magnet is a Gilbert family trait.

SWD: Returning to the tomb, Stefan and Bonnie attempt to save Whiny. Bonnie channels Luca but they both get sick, ’cause they suck at this. They need Lafayette and Jesus to come help. Lafayette’s veggie bacon burger would give them the strength to break that seal.

EC: See, you miss calling him Whiny. Embrace it! All these bloody noses are making me feel like I want to faint. Like Bella in science class. When Whiny got chomped on, I felt fine. Weird.

SWD: So of course during the mishap, Stefan ends up in the tomb with Katherine. Elena is in the tomb’s foyer fighting with Damon, again, (Oh hell, just do it already. Enough with the Pacey Joey love/hate drag out.) saying multiple times, “Damon let go of me” (part 5 of why Elena is dumb. She wants him to let go? #Icantrelate).

EC: You know, Williamson is the showrunner. How long did the Joey/Pacey thing go on? It felt like forever. I mean Daws…umm, Stefan. That’s funny, I just realized Stefan reminds me of Dawson and his angst.

SWD: The previews look gooooooood next week. ‘Ol Steffy is pulling a “Make it with your maker” type hook up, like his shirt source, Bill Compton, did  with Lorena. Oh Steffy, I bet Damon gets you back with a revenge hook up. (*side note- good week of shooting for the Dobrev. lucky gal… and maybe not so dumb afterall).

The white henleys are MAHINE, douche

 

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5 Responses to “Vampire Diaries Recap: “The Sacrifice” or “Elena is Dumb””

  1. Love this post. Wasn’t able to watch show bc of football:(

  2. Twi-Mom(not like on "O") Says:

    So funny!! Did anyone else think it looked like Bonnie got a Boob Job? I am really starting to want her and Whinney to get together.

    Stephan is totally suffering the New Moon effect. If R Patz doesn’t watch it they will be asking for his Dad case and puffy jacket for Stephan

    I agree the words “Damon let go of me” do not compute and would never be a part of my vocab!!

  3. I would like to hear Jane say that… though I think Elijah is a more “Twi” name… maybe during the anticlimatic fight scene something like, “Careful, or we’ll send Elijah after you.”

    You know, it’s funny, you guys always mention Stefan’s clothes…and I always think “I should look for them next time.” and then I’m so distracted by Damon being so hot, that I just don’t even notice anything but Stefan’s bushy eyebrows. And then this episode with SHIRTLESS ALARIC! Actually the 800th thought I had when I saw him shirtless (the first 799 aren’t appropriate for comment board) was “Talk Supe is gonna LOVE this. Finally, all of them shirtless.” Then i wondered if Whiny has been, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet… maybe once he and Bonnie stop doing their whole Bella/Jacob thing and she admits her feelings for him already. Sigh. There’s only so much of that angst I can handle.

    And I agree w/ you and Twi-mom. I can only relate if me and Ian were playing out a rape fantasy or something. But even then, I don’t have said fantasy so… yeah. Does not compute.

  4. SWD here- Hey Team Seth I’m drafting up your email! Awesome! How have I NOT seen this show, TS???

    I love that you (much later on) thought of us when smexy Alaric happened!

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