Thanksgiving rundown: Who ate Whom

posted by snowhitedrifted (SWD/ West Coast Stacey) and East Coast Stacey

Well, this year Thanksgiving has a body count. In an effort to promote peace in the supernatural world. Carlisle Cullen hosted a vegetarian feast and invited all of our favorite friends. The theme of the evening was, “Can’t we all just get along.” Unfortunately, with the various  tastes of said bunch, this was a pipe dream for poor dear Carlisle, and of course it failed miserably.

EC: That Carlisle…the U.N of the supernatural world. Got to love that hippie vampire.

Please pass the ...uhhh ...stuffing?

R.I.P.Rosalie Cullen (Vampire): Being Sookie was not on speaking terms with either Bill or Eric, she brought Alcide as her +1 to Carlisle’s Thanksgiving Extradonaire. Rosalie, with an overwhelming love of beefy men was immediately smitten and globbed onto Alcide. Throughout dinner, she made jabs, at Sookie trying to take her out of the picture. Alcide was powerless to defend Sookie as Volturi Jane had him in mental choke hold while Alice looked into his future trying to see herself in it. Oh Alcide, quite the vamp lady magnent. Anyway, seeing that Rosalie was growing more and more agitated at the fact that Alcide was not paying attention to her and that Sooke was his main focus, Bill and Eric, seated on either side of her were on high alert. As Rosalie picked up a dinner roll (or in this case, a squirrel head) and chucked it full strength at the Sook. Now we’ve all seen Rose play baseball so we know what kind of arm she has. Luckily Jason Stackhouse’s cat like reflexes took hold and he thwarted the attack. Too late for Rose, however. Eric and Bill took her down, sacrificing this buxomy blond for theirs
EC: Have you seen that guy? I am surprised all the ladies weren’t after Mr. Alcide. But..hey…where the heck was Emmett in this mess?

Debbie Pelt (Werefox- or is she a wolf in the show? I forgot): Edward and Sookie were having a lovely conversation, telepathically, when all of a sudden Debbie strolled on in. “How you doin’?” She thought at Edward. Sookie, despising her already said, “Oh hell no I’ve had it with you.”  As she picked one of Alaric’s creepy weapons of mass vamp destruction from his coat and shot Debbie on the spot.
No one minded. Even Alcide, whom was now being violated by Alice as she mentally watched him taking his evening shower.

EC: Oh that Alice…got to love her. But a question…shouldn’t Jasper be sending calming vibes through the party guests? Or is he too busy ‘eating’ the party guests?  
SWD: Well, Emmett and Jasper were forced to sit at the kiddie table due to their earlier behavior of licking the mashed carcass bowl and sticking fingers in the freshly baked moose pie.

Jasper Emmett and... Stephan? *thanks to random google search for "kiddie table"

R.I.P. Eric Yorkie (human):
Hired to set the table and coordinate the napkins, chargers, chair covers and floral arrangements, Eric was making rounds seeing that all the guests were satisfied. Damon Salvatore mistook what he meant by “satisfied”, thinking him an hors d’ouvre, (also thinking Yorkie a sorry substitute for a fresh sorority girl snack) and drained him on the spot. Oops.

Jacob Black (Werewolf)
Seeing Bella eye Jason Stackhouse, Jacob’s inner dog was roused to playground immaturity. He began taunting Jason with an annoying, “Here kitty kitty kitty.”
As most women who are annoyed with stupid boys making cat references, Jessica Hamby and Crystal Norris silenced him in a team effort.  Supes unite, ya’ll!

EC: Bet Edward was upset. He always wanted to take out Jacob. Plus, two GIRLS did it. Wait! He can now obsess about Bella and Jason! Brillant! (and hot!)


Talbot (Vampire goop)
Wanting to bring something for Thanksgiving dinner, Elena scraped Talbot from his jar and made him into a jello mold. She set him in the fridge to set up. But holy smoke, after 2 hours in there, he coagulated back into his former vampire form. Yay, Talbot we missed you! But please don’t seek revenge on Eric. I know you won’t since he’s wearing the disarming blue sweater. Everyone from Esme to Katherine is swooning.
EC: Actually, so is Talbot. He loved that blue sweater.  You can forgive anyone as long as they are wearing that blue sweater!

... After. Solid, once again!

So all in all, it didn’t go smoothly. Carlisle wept silently in a corner at his failed attempt to unite the supes.

EC: Poor Carlisle. At least , he has Esme to baby him!

 With the suggestion by werewolf George a fix-it all plan began to hatch.

EC: Love that George! Thank goodness, there is at least one smart one in that bunch.
Lafayette and Witch Bonnie joined forces and with the aid of (now rather attractive and less ) Whiny and brujo Jesus, rounded all of the carnage up, sprinkled Thanksgiving leftovers from Merlotttes over them and they were immediately brought back to life. See, it was as I always thought, mashed potatoes DO indeed have magical healing powers.

EC: Don’t forget…magical cranberry sauce! That’s what Damon brought! Wait a sec…those aren’t cranberries!

Uh oh, is that Talbot's cousin?

follow @talksupe on twitter.


3 Responses to “Thanksgiving rundown: Who ate Whom”

  1. FUNNY and gross all at the same time!

    WCS- cute pic of the kids

  2. Normal that I thought the deerrl on the table was actually Prisoner Zero…

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