Greek System with a Bite
posted by (EC)EastCoastStacey and (SWD)WestCoast Stacey
So, did you all know we Stacey’s were in the same sorority? Sure, different chapters, different universities, and (slightly) different years, but the same letters nonetheless. Our actual houses may have differed, as well as the paths of the walk of shame, (EC: Ours was a much longer walk…the more they tried to segregate the boys and girls, the more coeds crossed the quad wearing Dave Matthews teeshirts and oversized sweatpants.), but we both have nightmares about red carnations and Bessie Grooms. (EC: Hey Feat LilJ, you were the President of my Chapter. Who would have thought we would be discussing Supe stuff. Nope, we were watching Buffy together even back then! Also just for a fun note: Our sorority has a Founder’s Day like Mystic Fall, but with no Salvatore Brothers or, you know, carnage) Anyway, I was watching one of my favorite movies, “Sorority Boys” and it got me to thinking… What if there was a Greek System for our Supernatural friends? We think it would go something like this:
Welcome to the hallowed halls of the University of Vlad. Home of the Fighting Impalers. Where you come for the academics and remain, because well…you become the undead.
Fraternity- Kappa Omicron Kappa (KOK), like the Delta house was also known as “Animal House” this one is simply known as ‘HELL House”, due to the Benjamin Moore: Bahama Sunrise paint that Eric chose for the walls.) KOK houses the alpha male Vampires. Eric Northman is president and Damon Salvatore is Pledgemaster. Have you seen Vampire Diaries season 1? Our Damon would put the fear in to those incoming freshman boys. Hazing becomes a new art form when you have to take out a werewolf! Mitchell (Being Human) is an honorary member of KOK, as of last semester’s behavior. (What! You haven’t watched it yet? Tsk Tsk!) Emmett is the member best known for crushing cans of TruBlood on his head and surfing the stairs on a coffin lid. (That’s my boy!)
Fraternity- Rho Omicron Tau (ROT), consists of the Volturi (sans Jane)- it’s all male, as all fraternities are, but …. we still think, ahem, Aro (and Caius, don’t forget Caius) prefers it that way. Their letters are embroidered on their silk Hermes scarves in calligraphy. There’s no blood keg in this mausoleum, these boys drink out of goblets and listen to early Baroque chamber music. Initiation consists of, um, actual spanking spiking. Won in last years IFC Trivia Bowl challenge, Talbot in a Jar resides in their trophy case.
Fraternity- Episilon Mu Omicron (EMO), is similiar to real life Lambda Chi. Led by president Edward Cullen, many self loathing, yet gorgeous, sensitive and caring, yet lethal, vamps reside at EMO. The RUSH chair, Stefan Salvatore holds monthly gatherings (every 28 days or so) to attract new members. (He’s a teacher that one. A very sensitive teacher) This is serious business. Period. Bill Compton is the resident advisor to EMO, but has been seen as of late partying at KOK. EMO is a dry house and is located next to the sorority Nu Alpha Gamma (NAG) for this reason. The parties there are not the most exciting, the boys seem to listen to Matchbox 20, John Mayer and Taylor Swift, while holding hands and talking about…feelings. (Mostly theirs, the drama queens)
Sorority- Nu Alpha Gamma (NAG), is compromised of our human sympathizers (Angela, Tara, etc) who are lonely and miserable because they are the late night/one night hook ups of the supe greeks. They’re the Jack in the Box drive thru meals for supes. Their house mom, or house aunt, because she’s young, cool and hip is Aunt Jenna. She allows boys (“boys”?) on the second floor. *wink wink* Some of the girls are ultra cranky, like Tara. Not a good thing, now that she’s rooming with Bonnie. They didn’t know that young lady can start fires with her mind during Rush. Oops. Those two young ladies are going to be trouble for KOK, but very popular at DOG.
Sorority- Sigma Nu Kappa (SN(ac)K), It’s just Bella, Elena and Sookie. Their walls are completely covered in maxi pads, because if one drop of accidental bloodshed escapes this house, a feeding frenzy would ensue. These girls are the most sought out on campus for that reason. Bella Swan was originally the president, but was usurped by Miss Stackhouse due to Bella’s wishy-washiness almost getting them slaughtered weekly. Elena, well as social chair, she plays with her hair and is constantly texting Stefan about buying her wine coolers.
Fraternity -Delta Omicron Gamma (DOG), is led by Alcide Herveaux. The Lockwood men, Jacob, George, Sam, Quil, Embry and the rest howl it up nightly in this dog house. It’s a mess in that house with all the…umm…marking taking place. Poor George is always running around the house with paper towels and saying, “Honestly, we are gentlemen. Could you please attempt to use the lavatory?” They all take turns patrolling the borders of the Row, making sure no one is eaten during a midnight walk of shame. Also, in this house, these puppies get neutered if imprinting on underage coeds occurs. They do lock up Tyler in the basement often, not for turning, just being generally annoyed by him.
Sorority- Delta Iota Epsilon (DIE), These are the badass female supes. This is obvs. the top sorority and their parties are killers. All the male Greeks are dying, well, many of them are already dead, to get into a DIE party. With fashionista president Alice Cullen, their Rush outfits are the best. No stupid matching sleeveless blazers, pearl necklaces, and khaki shorts here. Well, there may be pearl necklaces, but those come later, thanks to the KOK house. (oh boy…you didn’t just go there!) Jane is Pledge “Educator”. Not a step is missed during initiation with her in charge. Pam, Katherine, Jessica and Sophie Anne have been known to do naked row runs and end up for days in the KOK basement. No chains needed, unless requested.
Fraternity- Beta Rho Omicron (BRO) Our semi- supernatural friends, men with some powers, but not full blown supe. Members include Alaric, Lafayette, Jesus, the brothers Winchester: Sam and Dean, and Jeremy, aka Whiny-the-vampire-Slayer (although he’s just a pledge they took in at the last minute because finances were down due to Jason Stackhouse’s infamous bottomless keg stands…and take bottomless to mean both the keg and Jason). And Jeremy has a hot sister they want to bang. Well, Lafayette and Jesus just want to go sparkly belt shopping with her. Most likely he will be kicked out before initiation and sent to live with his sister. She’s the only one who can stand him. Bella likes to bake him cookies.
Fraternity- The house known as DUL (Delta Upsilon Lambda ) boasts (really?) Mike Newton as President, Eggs as Social Chair and Eric Yorkie as house decorator. House decorator, that’s uh, a new one. Tyler likes to pick up the ladies in his rockin’ van. Head of Campus Security, Charlie keeps a close watch on this one due to their abnormal activity of having 40’s (the malt beverage, to Yorkie’s dismay) parties on the front lawn, which has more than it’s fair share of couches. Also surprisingly, he hangs outside of Edward’s EMO house cleaning his shotgun, instead of watching out for the coeds at the party house of KOK. Priorities, Chief, priorites. Just cause, Bella only likes to hang out at EMO and DUL, doesn’t mean you don’t have a job to do!
Row Gods: Eric Northman, Alcide Herveaux, Edward Cullen, Jasper Hale (He brings the good vibrations to every gathering! Also 100 Monkeys, but not everybody’s perfect)… oh Hale, aren’t they alll row gods?
Row goddesses: EC and SWD, because it’s our blog, dammit.
Interfraternity Council (IFC) President: Carlisle “can’t we all just get along” Cullen
And of course, Panhellenic President: Jessica Stanley (Of course, she is)
So there you have it. By no means do these houses use white togas in their initiation rituals. They do a full outright ritual sacrifice, with stonehenge rocks, lamb blood and virgins. White’s just too hard to clean… besides, initiaiton is always after labor day.
Love in the Lyre and stealing KOK’s composite,
**Trivial fact, each series has a Sam: Merlotte, Clearwater, and Winchester. *