If This Van’s a Rockin’… It’s Just a Werewolf

posted by East Coast Stacey and West Coast Stacey/snowwhitedrifted

Vampire Diaries Recap epi 3: “Bad Moon Rising”

* Recaps and spoilers walk hand in hand. *

Alaric

EC: Talk about coincidences! After our ‘epic’ were/shifters interviews, here’s a Vampire Diaries starring those hairy cuties. I am enjoying your pretty, Uncle Mayo! Hey there, Meathead…I mean Tyler.
SWD: Ah yes, the Lockwood boys frolicking in the woods….Mmmmmm delt p0rn. Why is Tyler wearing Eric’s black tank top? Look, Tyler is running into some sort of room. Is it the basement of Fangtasia? Where’s Eric? Did the tank lead him there?

EC: He’s back! Thank you Kevin Williamson! I am going to kiss…Alaric and give you a cookie! What else…Super Bromance Road Trip to Duke. Alaric, Damon and…what? Degrassi? Ugh. I just wanted the boys driving in the SUV, listening to boy tunes like Metallica, eating messy fast food. Alaric maybe McDonald’s and Damon probably (sorry PETA!) a cat. Talking about boobs. But no, Degrassi is along for the ride, so everybody will be on their best behavior.
SWD *sarcastically*: Sucks to be her!

StefanWard: Vamp Camp counselor of the week

EC: Let’s discuss, our buddy Camp Counselor, Stefan. Camp Vamp: Learning to be a Happy Vampire in a week. Alright the gray tee and those jeans. Come on Stefan. I have enough celebrity boy crushes, Did you have to put on some Edward Cullen wear? Where is the non-threatening plaid shirt.

SWD: Oh Stefan’s Cullenizing Caroline, with this vegan-hunt-in-the-woods thing, of course he’s got to dress like one. They are hunting rabbitts, look out Bugs, the Fudds are coming

Elmer Fudd

Dem

This was also where he gave his “I’m an emo” speech. Way to go there StefanWard.

EC: I like Stefan and Caroline. He was actually, I can’t believe I’m saying this, funny and charming. I don’t know what to do with this new Stefan. He should be paired with Caroline more often. Then when you throw in that firecracker, Bonnie, you get some good stuff. That’s who I missed this week! Bonnie! She should have gone on the road trip with Damon and Alaric! Now that would be a threesome. Take that however you wish.

SWD: Yes, there are 2 parallel threesomes this week. First we have Elena and the eye candies on the road trip. And we have Stefan with WitchBonnie and VampCaroline basking in the sun of her bedroom. Manage-a-Vamp!

EC: Vanessa, Isobel’s assistant looks familiar…Eureka! It’s the Trinity Killer’s daughter from Dexter! She almost killed Elena! She shot Damon.! She gave vampire and werewolf info that I ignored, because I was too busy having Damon and Alaric fantasies. I’ll try to focus on important information and not hot men the next time I watch it.
SWD: I don’t like Indiana Jane. I don’t know what they were looking at either, my mind was drifting too. You know, Elena is dumb. Damon or Indiana said something like, “Vampires hunted the werewolves to almost extinction.” Elena “MENSA” Degrassi asks, “Why would they do that?” which I believe was right after they had just said a wolf bite will kill a vampire. Hmmm, maybe, like us, she wasn’t really paying attention either. You know, surrounded by all that hotness and threeway thoughts. Oh, but Indiana is there, that’d be swinging, not a threeway. #logistics. I think she was distracted when Indiana asked her if Damon could read minds. (EC: Like Edward! I betcha that he was the inspiration for that one!!) Then he said no, but he could hear her and that if she wanted something just ask which he followed with, “You want to see me naked?” Now I know I answered “yes”, as I’m sure you did too, Stace, as well as everyone else in the country that office (yes, Alaric too… this is our recap and I think the bromance can be slash-y).

Mmm, yes please, minus Elena

EC: Why is Tyler throwing a raging kegger in the woods? Have you seen the mortality rate in Mystic Falls? Large social gatherings are never a good idea. Mostly ones that involve being drunk and running around the woods. Think about it people!

EC: We have some wolf answers! I need to concentrate on the facts and not that Mayo was naked, sweaty, dirty…oh my. I’m okay! Turning into a werewolf does hurt! Being chained up in dark cellar type place is a good idea , unless you have an idiot nephew. Finally, you decide to be like True Blood and use real wolves and not CGI cartoons like Twilight. Good!

SWD: Let’s discuss the chains for a moment, because, they were good. I mean Good. Real Good. They ARE the chains from Fangtasia. They still have Eric juice on them. See Mayo’s abs? That is from residual hotness left from the Viking. Hot supe abs are catchy.

EC: If this van’s a rockin’! Why is Stefan peeking in? Oh my god, Stefan is a Peeping Tom! Dirty Stefan.

SWD: Well they were maddogging each other earlier in the day, when Mayo drove by. Maybe Stefan confused it as an eyeF***? Came back to “check.”

EC: Uncle Mayo jumping out of the window and spraying you with glass in his wolf form serves you right! Being that type of nosy is never good Mr. Salvatore. And don’t you go pretending you knew he was in there. I’ve heard that one before.
SWD: Hey, why isn’t Tyler shifting? Oh, he’s too busy getting c**kblocked by a dissolving glamour/ compulsion.

Wolf hormones aren

EC: Caroline made Matt her juice box. Poor Matt! First his sister turns into a vamp and is staked, followed be his mom continuing her cougar ways from when she was on the OC (Julie Cooper!) and now his lady love tries to eat him! That kid is not having a good year!
SWD: But Caroline went for that juice box like nobody’s business. she is one lusty vamp. Maybe I want her back on Damon, that’d be hot, like HBO hot. Vamp Skinimax.

EC: Snap! Forgiveness denied Damon! You were too sweet. Elena likes you sassy. If you delivered that apology with a side a snark you would be golden. Stefan gives her all the heartfelt loving she needs. Elena wants you to be the bad boy and so do I.

EC: Katherine’s back! Hooray!
SWD: And since Caroline’s humanity just dumped her, I bet she goes bad ass too. Ahh, Two evil bitches on the loose! Kind of like us, Stace!

EvilStaceys

Stacey vs. Stacey: We throw shoes at bitches

*NOTE I have no idea why the following picture came up when I googled “cartoon devil girls redhead & brunette”, but I’m including it*

Google makes no sense

Google makes no sense, but throws us little gems like this every now and then

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7 Responses to “If This Van’s a Rockin’… It’s Just a Werewolf”

  1. I have never seen the Vampire Diaries, & was feeling left out, until I got to that pic of Mr Squeezgard. Google is my friend.

  2. Twi Mom(not like on O) Says:

    I cracked up at the naked comment, made me think he can read minds through the TV!! Was it just me or was Indy being way to friendly with Alaric. Back of B he is Aunt Jenna’s.

    I am thinking Caroline and Stephan would be a better couple that Elena and Stephan. But I don’t really want her with Damon either because I don’t think she appreciates his wit and sarcasm. I perefer the sorority sister gulping, cougarita thee way wishing Damon to the happy with Elena version I imagine in my head!!

  3. Preach it, my friend!!
    THIS “I perefer the sorority sister gulping, cougarita thee way wishing”

    Spoken like a true MILF (our people!)

  4. I’m so happy Alaric’s back. I can always use a bend and snap.

  5. And Elena would’ve been distracted by threeway thoughts because it’s impossible to recognise anyone else is in the room when you’re surrounded by Smolderholder and Alaric. Impossible. Therefore, threesome. No swinging. Because there’s no fourth person–maybe she’s standing there, but she isn’t involved! 😉

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