Talbot Goes Down the Drain
posted by East Coast Stacey
*There will be spoilers, silly. It’s a recap!
EC: You know how Christmas comes once a year and until it arrives you are excited and giddy about the big day. You just have to know what’s in those boxes, until you become possessed. Then the big day arrives and it’s fun and exciting, almost everything you wish for. Then it’s done, over, finished and the realization floods over that you have to wait a whole year for that feeling to come again. Well, my friends, that’s what the True Blood finale was like.Okay, I just compared Baby Jesus’s birthday party to a TV show about blood sucking vampires (sort of, but not really), just hear me out. The season leading up to the big day is full of the anticipation, the build up, the big climax. The wham, bam, thank you ma’am, then it’s just over. Never mind the Christmas analogy the True Blood finale is like sex. Which is more appropriate really. So here’s the lowdown of the finale episode of the summer. Let’s see if the images, that Alan Ball left us with can carry us over to “The Season of the Witch” and hopefully, if Ball loves us at all, “The Season of the Eric Shower Scene”.
SWD: You know, the book4 shower scene IS the Leg Hitch of True Blood. Somehow, I don’t think Ball will dissapoint.
EC: Let’s start with the most important development, our Sookie finally got some kick ass in her. SWD: She even slaps Bill all angsty-like. Good job, Sook! She has been slowly developing this new attribute all season, but it came to a climax tonight. Maybe it was her new fairy powers, because shooting beams of light out of your fingers is pretty kick ass. SWD: That fairy light thing she runs at looks like a jellyfish spaceship. I think I saw it in Nemo. Bella and Elena, take notes, there are lessons to be learned. Your boyfriends have the same possessive qualities, as Sookie’s southern gentleman, Mr. Bill Compton. You see Sookie had enough and she let him have it. Actually, she told off all of her vampire suitors. The best part, she made sexy eyes at Alcide, SWD: So did Bill, hence Eric’s line of the week, “When you two stop eye f*ing each other” that hot piece of wolf. Alcide…delicious since One Tree Hill.
SWD: I like Alcide’s alpha voice when he says, “rabbitt”. Notice what he and the Sook are drinking? I think it’s Red Wolf.
EC: Oh no she didn’t ! Sookie poured Talbot down the drain! His Twitter name is now changed from @Talbot_inAJar to @Talbot_downTHEdrain. (SWD: I suggest @MT_Jar) You can send him a tweet, but I don’t think he’ll be getting back to you. SWD: *note-tweet him @Talbot_InAJar, he’s funny*
SWD: Later in the show, Ginger is polishing Talbot’s jar. It’s so sparkly, I wonder if it would sparkle in the sun or burn, you know, since it had vamp bits in it. If it sparkles, maybe Eric can send it to the Cullens. It’d look good on their mantle.
EC: Russell was a crispy critter. He probably didn’t smell too good either.
SWD: He was flaking off too. He remind me of a burnt marshmellow. Also, when they were in the sun and Eric “sounded his barbaric YAWP o’er the rooftops of the world” we got another peek at Godric. I think he looks like Joaquin Phoenix, without the crazy. That’s sad, when a definitely Dead 2000 year old vampire looks like the un-crazy one.
EC: I love Sam. I love Sam’s shirts. I love that Sam made Tara yummy pancakes for breakfast. I just love, love, lo…wait, did he just shoot his little brother?!? Sam, what’s up with that. I know he turns into a vicious pitbull, but that’s just cruelty to animals and umm…your brother.
SWD: Tommy’s not “Green”, you saw how he left the apartment, so it’s ok to shoot him. Remember Tommy, “Green is good”. Also, I think Sam and Terry go to the same barber. Or use the same setting on the flowbee, “pseudo mullet”.
EC: Did something happen with the inbred panther people. I have only been sort of paying attention. Checking Twitter at the same time and writing emails. (SWD: Ha ha ha, so true!) Is Jason a panther, yet? Did I just spoil that? I warned you at the beginning, sillies. Also, that group is like Bon Temps version of Deliverance. All you need is an albino kid playing a banjo and some creepy, toothless guy telling Jason to. “Squeal like a pig”. Hey, that’s creepier than the vampire stuff.
SWD: Calvin borrowed that stained wifebeater from the papa Mickens collection. I’m surprised they killed Calvin. He has a bigger role in the rest of the books than Bill.
EC: Angel and Lafayette are witches. Nicely done, Mr. Ball. When you decided not to kill off Lafayette in season two, I thought you were only going to use him for some well needed sass, but no. He’s going to bring he awesome and his one liners into the next season. Yay!
SWD: As a Catholic, I find “Jesus” being a witch very funny. Oh, sorry, brujo. WTF is that? I thought I was up on my witchery.
EC: Hoyt and Jessica, reunited and it feels so good. Wait…creeptastic doll. That’s never a good sign! Duh, duh, duh!
SWD: Hoyt’s getting sexier. I like him in red. Speaking of red, what was up with Eric’s red shoes? How did those get by Pam? He looked like an old school Beastie Boy. I’m hoping they got left in the concrete. I will forgive him for the shoes, since boyfriend can wear cement like it’s a Tom Ford suit. When Eric told Bill he wanted his phone back, I immediately thought of the Rob Phone pants. I wondered how Eric’s phone would look in his velour track pants. No?
EC: Bye Tara! I’ll miss you and your angst, girl. You have had a tough time, with the men. Oh my, your hair looks like a Chia Pet. See a stylist, now! (They need an Alice on this show. Fashion faux pas would never happen.)
EC: Finally, Bill and his new “dark” side. Oh Bill, I’ll never find you scary. I will forgive you for throwing my Eric and Pam in the concrete, if you just take care of Queen Sophie Anne. SWD: Hello, Sophis Anne’s outfit, fabulous! I think that’s going to be my Halloween costume. I liked the red skirt, very black widow. Obviously Char Har isn’t in charge of the costumes. Wait, he went after Sookie, so he could taste test Sophie Anne’s Happy Sookie Meal. SWD: Sophie Anne and Bills Vampire Fight Club. Bill looked like a retarded ninja. Oh Bill and Eric, too. You both were acting like creeps. I will forgive you, Eric if you’re wearing that sweater. Alcide, on the other hand, so nice. Whoa…I’m Team Alcide.
SWD: I like watching Alcide and Eric talk to each other. I like it a lot. Keep talking while driving that truck, Alcide. Keep talking to the Viking. Actually, there may be a fic about this. Anyway, back to the concrete scene. There are some good shots of Eric that really enhance his cleft and man cleavage. Plus I like when hs accent goes all Texan. Keep talkin’, cowboy, keep talkin’.
EC: On a final note: RIP Franklin. Your special brand of crazy will be missed on True Blood. Until next season, True Blood. Luckily, the Salvatore Brothers will keep us company until your return.