Hello Badass Katherine. Happy to Make Your Acquaintance
* There will be spoilers! *
EC: It’s been a long summer without you Salvatore Brothers. You have been missed Ian’s lips…I mean…Damon’s quick wit and Stefan’s brooding, bushy eyebrows. Of course, there was Pretty Pattinson’s Eclipse in June and the hoopla before it. Oh and an epic True Blood season featuring Eric’s blue sweater. Okay…you were missed, but we were really distracted by other things, some that sparkled and others that cried blood.
WC/snowwhitedrifted: Give me a minute, I’m still on the blue sweater. *swoons*
EC: Perhaps we can recap this by answering all of WC Stacey’s questions, because she is a little behind (she’s halfway through season 1). But first:
WC/SWD: Why is there no Alaric? What happened to him. Wait, don’t tell me.
EC: That’s right no Alaric: WHERE WAS HE?!? Made no sense. The epic bromance between Alaric and Damon was sorely missed. I kind of wanted to see them, you know…hug it out. Handsome Alaric should have been there. Bring him back next week, Williamson or you are in BIG trouble.
WC/SWD: Oh good, he’s not dead dead or gay or something. He kind of reminds me of Harrison Ford circa Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
WC/SWD: eww, she just cut off that guy’s fingers.
Wait what.. this isn’t Elena.
Great, does everyone know that and I missed it last season. I’ll catch up, eventually
EC: This is where I can be of assistance…that would be Katherine. She is hardcore awesome. I really didn’t think Degrassi could pull it off, but color me surprised she did it. (Nina was on Degrassi. Now it’s what I like to call her.) She totally chopped of Sark’s (Hi Alias!) fingers. How awesome and not at all Twilight was that. Victoria didn’t even slice off Mike Newton’s fingers. (Which would have been awesome!) That was bordering on True Blood. Nice.
WC/SWD: Stefan slapped Jeremy, kind of hot. I like it when vamps do ‘bad things’.
Stefan’s jacket is nice. You know what’s up? The collar. Collar.. Cullen … coincidence?
EC: That slap was well deserved. Oh and kind of hot. Jeremy is an angsty little monkey. Wait…he’s NOT going to be a vampire. He could have been a great vampire, sucked the whiney right out of him. I just got distracted by Stefan’s eyebrows again, so bushy. They remind me of…
WC/SWD: Hi there Damon. He looks older (in a good way). I like his hair like this.
EC: Hi handsome. Missed you. I want to lick…no just stop…
WC/SWD: There seem to be a lot of Damon-and-the-sheriff “close” scenes. She’s into him isn’t she? Is this where the CW throws us oldies a bone? Is he into cougars? Or is it just like all vampire shows… wanting to bang the blond sheriff?
EC:I don’t think she’s in the same league as your favorite blond sheriff. He who rocks the blue sweater. Oh and Damon loves all the ladies!
WC/SWD: When Damon is talking to Elena and Stefan about the kiss, she turns around and he totally checks out her ass.
EC: That scene also had the awesome line and Damon facial expression, “When two lips pucker…” Lips…Ian…what? Huh? Where am I again?
WC/SWD: Oh yeah, I noticed that line too. I thought I’d leave that one for you.
WC/SWD: The aunt’s name is Jenna, right? I’ve been referring to her as aunt Jinny, like in Pulp Fiction.
EC: Yep Jenna! They should have had her boyfriend, Alaric on. Just saying it again.
WC/SWD: I’m glad to hear they’re dating. Is he shirtless later in season 1?
WC/SWD: Why is Damon mad at Katherine? Where I left off, he was trying to get the crystal from WitchBonnie to wake her ass up.
EC: I am here to help and spoil it for you…she played him! That tease was never in the tomb, she just wanted to get away from him. I have a problem with this logic…Katherine have you looked at the boy? You don’t get rid of that good stuff! Quick note: Bonnie and Damon would be hot and angry. Just think about it.
WC/SWD: Yes, I noticed that too, at the funeral. I might have a creeptastic girlcrush on WitchBonnie. That or I just like her outfits.
EC: It’s a girlcrush. I have it, too.
WC/SWD: Damon’s at the funeral and here’s a good cougar moment between him, the sheriff, and the widow. When he puts his arms on their shoulders, I immediately thought cougarita 3 way! That’s normal, right?
EC: I bet our buddy Cathy Hardwicke would have loved to squeeze herself into that threesome with her VHS of Kristen and Pretty Pattinson.
WC/SWD: The black sheep- hey it’s book Alcide!
EC: I like him. I like him a lot. Just as much as Alcide. Oh great, I’m becoming a wolf pack girl.
WC/ SWD: It’s cool, we all have “puppy “love now and again.
WC/SWD: Oh, Alcide’s name is Mason. Don’t care for the name, reminds me of mayonnaise and shy albino boys with lisps. But then again I have issues with a lot of their names. But that’s a subject for another day.
EC: I thought hot stuff was named “Nathan”. I might be going deaf or my excitement that my guilty pleasure, One Tree Hill is starting next week. It has a basketball playing Nathan. Yum, Nathan. You know True Blood Alcide used to be on OTH. #funwolfboyfact
WC/SWD: Maybe it is Nathan. That would be better. I don’t mind him being named after a hot dog. I had the volume kind of low. I watched this @ 5:30 AM this morning, slightly hungover and hungry. I missed details.
WC/SWD: “Taylor Lockwood” similar sounding to “Taylor Lautner.” What’s the connection there.
EC: They’re both werewolves! Do I win a prize? Can it be Somerhalder’s phone number? Wait a minute…Stefan has werewolf eyebrows! Fitting due to him playing a werewolf on CBS’s WOLF CREEK.
WC/SWD: I think Rob, in real life, looks more Wolf than vamp too. Brows. Hair.
WC/SWD: So this Lockwood curse, we’re all thinking wolves right? Or have wolves been done too much. True Blood took wolves, panthers and dogs, maybe the Lockwoods will be lemurs. WereLemurs. Can’t you see it? Get it, see it… ‘cause Lemurs have those weird eyes.
EC: You totally got the lemur idea from my fanfic, ‘cause you love it.
WC/SWD: C’mon who doesn’t love a lemur and your fic?
WC: Oooh, look, a Harry Potter Deathly Hallows trailer, yay!
EC: I was going to mention the Let Me In trailer. Freaky little vampire girl. Scary! Somebody call the Volturi, a little one got out!
WC/SWD: Yeah, I’m going to avoid the Volturi refugee movie. I’m a mom. I think vampires are sexy. THESE 2 WORLDS DO NOT COLLIDE, hear me makers of “Let me In”
WC/SWD: Best line of the show goes to Damon ” Doppleganger hijinx ensued”
EC: I also liked: Damon to Katherine, “Don’t pout. It’s not attractive on a woman your age.”
WC/SWD: Stefan “threatens” John in the hospital. Nice! No more Emo Vamp. Yay! *sings* “No more Mr. Nice guy, no more Mr. Clee e eean”. Timely Alice Cooper reference. Hey another Alice.
EC: How not Edward Cullen of you, Mr. Salvatore. Well played, sir.
WC/SWD: But then Katherine says to Stefan, “Your stronger, meaner… sexy” and I’d have to agree.
EC: Then she staked him with a pole. I’ll say it again…that girly is hardcore!
WC/SWD: I like her better than Bella, oops I mean Elena
WC/SWD: My my my, Damon pounds Katherine to the floor. Damn, Damon, choke a bitch out.
EC: What? I got distracted by his naked chest peaking out of that shirt. Mmm…
WC:/SWD: He grabs her neck a la Sookie in the angry “we beat the werewolfs” sex scene. “Hot” said like Emmett.
WC/SWD: That’s a nice bra.
EC: Damon seemed to like it, too. Note to self: Victoria Secret.
WC/SWD: Damon’s drunk on Elena’s bed. He says “specific” No one in the history of booze has been able to say “specific” while intoxicated.
EC: I do like that they can get drunk and eat things. Can you imagine if Emmett could get drunk by guzzling down a bunch of 40’s? Awesome.
WC/SWD: So Caroline and Jeremy are going to be vamps?
EC: Just Caroline. Which I think is straying FAR from the books. Must call “Steve”, she’ll remember. Jeremy was wearing the magical healing ring. Did I just spoil that too? My guess: Jeremy, Vampire Slayer! Like Buffy only in a whiny boy package.
There it is…recap 1 of the Vampire Diaries! Join us next week for the Season Finale of True Blood and whatever other silly supe stuff we come up with. Keep your fingers crossed for some nice naked Eric. We will.
WC/SWD: Always do, Stace, always do.